Day 26
WELCOME TO SIMS 2 OPEN FOR BUSINESS!
OPEN FOR BUSINESS!
If it's one thing that's always somewhat creeped me out about post-expansion installs, it's the way the Sims are just standing there bolt upright at attention, like some sort of creepy Twilight Zone / Stepford Wives shit.
It's probably credit to how close to realistic they behave, that things that point out the reality of their UNreality actually make them the most surreal.
CREEPY
CREEPY
Every time I install an expansion, I lose my Jesus paintings and they get replaced with untextured curtains
Another interesting thing about an expansion upgrade, is that all my Sims needs are nearly set to full. Nothing quite like starting off on a positive note.
Well. Except for the front lawn.
Time to renovate.
I put a giant ninja in the back yard. Just because.
This is a crappy night shot of the outside of the love shack I just fashioned.
BOYS ONLY NO GIRLS WITH COOTIES AND STINKY GOOHOLES
All that's left is to figure out how to whore out Etcha.
And here are the toy and robot workbenches. There was also a 3rd, floral arrangement workbench to buy but since in my free time I don't needlepoint or fart unicorns or piss a lovely palmeria-scented diffuser oil, I abstained from buying that one.
CREEPY
The fish vanished, but the god damn algae didn't.
Ok, enough of this; let's turn on the clock.
Otik and Ripley get right into it and jam.
WHAM
I couldn't wait. Rathen walked up to the robot workbench, and 'What is this?'d at it like four fucking times so I MADE him make a fucking robot.
This goes on for about 3 minutes. He beats on that metal cube or stabs it with a screwdriver over and over.
Just like the last time I made a robot, as I recall. Wow, how eerily realistic!
TADA!
Soulfucker is born!
Be free, Soulfucker! Ah... be free to just sit there. He's just a stupid, inert toy.
Rathen comes to play with it.
A Hitler impersonater giggling at a wind-up silver age toy robot. Wonders never cease.
Also, did anyone else catch Supernatural this week? I just noticed a startling resemblance of that simolean symbol to that cult symbol of hot-girl-mangling evil.
And, after giggling at the robot for a minute or two, that was it.
Hooray for Soulfucker.
Finally, someone else peers through the Rape-o-Scope.
Uh...
Oh shit.
...
AAAAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAA!
Everyone is freaking out up on the porch.
Oh, now, that's just fucked up.
Everyone else freaks out, all WHY GOD WHY! and Ripley keeps on stifling outright laughter for about a minute.
Then, the homos start making out, the reality that all their lives are pretty fucked up and gay anyways reasserts, and they all go back to regular life.
EtchaSketch plugs the diesel queen for makeup tips.
I came into this one late, so I have no fucking idea what's going on here.
"So. How about your woman fucking every other guy in Appleton eh?"
"Ok, how about you still being a virgin?"
"I have this sense that I'm going to be holding hands with guys soon."
"...and I just got this marvelous idea how to turn it into a job..."
The rape victim is dumped home.
'Unceremonious' is a great, fitting word that comes to mind.
Neat, mirrors are reflective now!
Oh, damn, Death Toilet the 3rd has been cleansed by the holy fires of the update.
No rest for the anally probed. GIIRyudo heads for work.
Everyone else did also. All at the same time, leaving Rathen and Otik home alone.
I BELIEVE I CAN FLY!
It stopped being exciting right here for a number of Sim hours.
So, I quit for the night, and went to bed. I was thinking about just cutting a half-update here, and I fucking well should've. Oh well, hindsight and all that.
Here's a shot of the family's house from the neighborhood view.
I like how it's all this quaint sub-mansion classy set up then you got a giant ninja in the back yard and a shack emanating a sinister red glow. That's pretty... something.
This is how my grandparent's place would look if they let me run the place.
Ripley got home from school, and had brought a friend home with her. This friend stepped off the bus... and walked off the lot. OKAY
So Ripley went to her routine spot and made with the homework.
Oh hey look everybody it's TV's Bill Cosby!
Get the fuck off my property.
Everybody got home ok this time without a giant god damn traffic jam.
ObMeiste brought home a friend,
...and so did GIIRyudo.
I believe GIIRyudo wins. He should get raped by aliens more often; it seems to help his taste in women.
Let's have another look at Ob's friend shall we?
TOTAL FAGGOT.
Here's a black dude wearing blue contacs, a failed bleachjob combed over and straightened gothmop, visiting home with the team all-star cornholers.
No matter how menial and devoid of content, it is my solemn duty to record and display every single instance of spongebathing, and emphasize the fact that there are in fact baths and a shower stall free.
I hope this meets the stringent minimum sodomy requirements imposed by my thread's demanding, beleaguered audience.
Etcha passes through either oblivious or apathetic to the jock jerking buttsexfest happening within olfactory distance.
I only said 'olfactory' because I mean look at all the 'dust' kicking off of that, and my god is that blood?
It must smell like the sewer under a gay bar in there I mean seriously.
This here is a moment where all I can think of is, 'suffer, you little bitch.' He's all doing the peepee dance and waving at me like I'm going to do something about it but refusing to piss because EtchaSketch is in the shower and won't shoo away.
This is an odd moment for be, because as an atheist, I can see a very pointed analogy here to real life that makes me understand the drive a New Testament variety god would have, at being hands off with humanity. All I can see in my head now is a Douglas Adams/Terry Pratchett-esque scene involving an ancient, venerable old man in a robe and a long, white beard spending the last 20,000 years sitting around with a bemused look on his face saying to himself, 'you guys cannot possibly be this fucking stupid.'
OH LAME. Etcha left before Rathen could soil himself. And I so wanted to screencap it.
Who the fuck is this guy
edit: Here we are 13 hours after I did the update and I noticed this random jerk is wearing capris.
Capris. Sulu, set phasers for GAY.
Rathen is fucking worthless and begs me to tell him to go to bed.
GIIR's cowgirl is useful and actually cleans up a couple books and puts away the game controllers.
Here is another weird phenomenon, post-patch. All books that were out before I patched are now standing upright on their binders.
I seem to remember this guy being fat when we started out.
Hey it's like my own private episode of Will & Grace except less bloated with every single cheap gay joke you could imagine some lukewarm, mediocre Hollywood trendy mentality thinking up while in line at Starbucks.